of Offspring

August 7, 2011

It wasn’t that their two knee-high children were running the aisles of the restaurant, full tilt and with ear piercing squeals in concert.
It was that the four adults, in the twenty minutes at the counter, never so much as looked over their shoulders once, to determine OUR welfare. Of the Children, they could be heard, no need to wonder if THEY were still there.
There, and wreaking havoc.
I’m not gonna lie, I considered an extended leg, thinking to trip one of the lil Cherubs, constituting squeals of delight into wails of anguish, in hopes THAT might have them gathered up and corralled. THAT might get Mom to take a look-see at what her child was up to. “My poor Baby!!”

I ask you, is it that you think your Children SO adorable that the rest of us should be prostrate in gratitude, if allowed in their presence? Are you thinking that by the simple measure of birthing one, you’ve bestowed some gift on Humanity?
I beg to differ.
Interestingly, when it comes to the Children of others, I bet you differ as well.
What we have in plenty and increasing in number, is humanity.
Of every other natural resource on the planet, it seems we, and cockroaches, are the only thing not threatening to extinguish.
So, I’m supposed to be impressed that you survived a trial that we share with the simplest of life forms, reproduction? If your babe emerges from adolescence not having reenacted a Columbine…THEN I’ll be impressed.
Mommy’s are by far the worst offenders. They can somehow introduce their offspring, duly named, into any conversation. “Gosh, the genocide and atrocities in Darfur…” “Oh I know!!, horrible!! it’s funny though, just the other day my youngest, Caleb is his name, was just reading, yes reading!! and only three, mind you!!, a pop-up book about Africa”
Yea, hilarious. A prodigy, no doubt.

“If you don’t have a uterus then YOU. DONT. KNOW. A. THING. ABOUT. IT!!!”, someone recently made me aware, in a heated discussion on life.
True enough, I suppose, but I also could as well ask a monkey for insight, they having the required components to be considered “in the know”. Of course, they’ve also been known to eat the young of rival troops.
Next time I’m dining out, like they do at Riviera, San Diego, it may be BYOBrats.
Best get a sitter, huh?