ofREH

So.
What little attention spared for school as a child, was hardly spent on mathematics. Never having learned long division, much less algebra. Keeping instead, my mind and eyes, fixed to reading.
Looking back, I wonder if having devoted so much to novels, worlds and lives of others, the tragedy and triumphs, easily removed from and just as easily condemned or heralded, instead of an abacus, has left me at the mercy of a common denominator. Myself.
Having failed at every instance and variety of personal relationship, I could wish for the fiction that would have me deny the true nature of numbers. After the dust settles from the inevitable subtraction, I remain.
This lesson, even so late, has no rebuttal. Like any other equation, the factors leading to an outcome, are finite. I remain the sum and final aggregate. The reason. The cause.
It doesn’t change a thing.
Knowing, as I do, my role, has no affect. Realizing my inability to pair, affords me no tools or insight to change it.
I’d been instructed that in some worlds, acceptance is a step. To what? Having accepted responsibility for this deficit, where is the total?

I own it but it’s to let.