ofREH

"Say Pops, can I ask you where you got that hat...mind if I sit down?"

So.
recently, a dear Friend of mine asked after my feelings on hate. I replied that while I can’t really ever recall hating any particular individuals, there were many “things” that I hate. Situations, feelings, results, failures, disappointments etc etc. I went on to express that I thought hate a very important and motivating force, that if channeled ( I HATE that word) correctly, could be a force for good. Little else can get me as committed to change as some good old fashioned hatin.
She responded with a few of her own hates and one, in particular, caught my eye and, consequently, my attention.
She said she hated to see old people, in public, eating alone.
I do as well. Probably most of us do, if we even bother to slow down long enough to notice.
Her comment had me think that I could at least change that.
After some reflection, it seemed to me that hate should spur me to action, that even if I recognize the potential of the emotion, it is not one I covet and if it were in my power to change it….why wouldn’t I?
You have a headache?, you hate it? take some fucking aspirin and quit giving me one for all your moaning about it.
Ok, I’m gonna. You just watch.
I’ve decided that when I’m eating out, alone or in company (be warned), if I spy someone elderly, at their meal alone, I am going to make some kind of contact and ask if I might join them or if they might care to join us.
I’ve not decided on a tact for this event. I know that not all situations will lend itself to it happening but you and I know, have seen, the ones that do.
My inclination is not out of sympathy (completely, anyway) and I have no want of invading someone’s space but damn it!!, they have shit to tell me!!
There are countless stories there, there is untold accounts of bravado and accomplishment. Of dreams met and lost. There is wisdom. So much wisdom.
Listen, Old folks drive me nuts. They are generally slow and preoccupied, cantankerous, forgetful, myopic, and often bigoted. They can be resentful, spiteful and self absorbed. They are almost ALWAYS inconvenient.
They are also…incredibly generous, patient, sturdy, brave and an untapped wealth of experience and knowledge.
It disturbs me that we, in the west, are so dismissive of the elderly and the treasures they bear. So many Eastern cultures revere their age-ed. They elevate and cherish them. They care for them, knowing that they did for us.
As guilty as anyone, I am ashamed of how we consider them. As if they are just to be tolerated, while we watch their waning hours tick by, in anticipation, of sorts, for when we can file them into assisted care and then onto the grave, to make room for someone more productive, genial, attractive.
So, consider yourself warned Gramps, if you don’t want me hunched over you and your pea soup, asking intrusive questions about the war and your beautiful, now gone, wife of fifty some odd years, your lovely house and what it took to keep it, your hundreds of Grand and great-grand children…you best stay home cuz you have everything I need and I’m coming for it.
Don’t you just hate that?