ofREH

If I see a Corvette on the road, I generally assume the driver is a pecker.
Much as I do when I see a guy my own age riding a brand spanking new Harley-Davidson.
Invariably, I am reminded of the South Park episode where a bunch of middle age guys go around town making deep throated motorcycle noises and unnecessarily revving their engines at every opportunity.
“you guys know that everyone thinks you’re total fags, right?” Cartman asks.
Why yes, yes I do. Please enter me in the thinking-they’re-fags column. 

I can’t stand Harley rider culture. I detest the logo plastered on everything they own, from their keychain down to their underwear. I don’t even like their bikes.
But I’m getting one, a brand spanking new one, this month.
And I can’t wait.

I’ve not had a motorcycle now for three years.
My last bike was a BMW and while I couldn’t stand that obnoxious, over-reflectored, neon wearing culture either, unlike Harley-Davidson, I loved the bike.

I did my best, while I had it, to dispel the prevailing notion that all BMW riders were fairy boot wearing Euro-trash.
I’ll do the same with the Harley.

I pledge to never display the logo beyond what is included on the bike. I pledge to not congregate en masse with other Harley riders or sign up for charity rides, riding tandem down the highway, flags unfurled into the wind, desperate to feel a part of something.
I pledge to quietly honour our Nations veterans with a moment of solemn reflection at home and not in DC, horribly snaring traffic in one of the most congested cities in the Country, just to get attention.
I swear to never know or care exactly where, or what, Sturgis is.
I pledge to wear no more leather than absolutely necessary and, never, never, employ fringe of any variety.
This is my pledge.

I’m getting a Harley because My Girlfriend wasn’t comfortable on the BMW and I want to take some long trips with her. The bagger I’m getting is literally the only bike they sell that I would ever consider. It’s big and has storage, audio and navigation gadgets, and is very comfortable.
And low key.

I’m also getting one because I’m older now and I just can’t take the neck and back position of a sport bike anymore.
I seriously still have no feeling in a big toe from a pinched nerve in my neck, after a ride four years ago.

So, I’m all ready.
Like a schoolboy preparing for his first day, I have everything laid out.
New glasses, helmet, gloves, jacket…
All I need now is the bike.

Until then, you can find me driving my Girlfriend crazy, going about the house making deep throated motorcycle sounds.

Brummmbummmbumm brrrummblummmmblummm